Why Men Run Hot and Cold

Many women get into vicious cycles. When we relax, let our guard down, and make ourselves available, men become disinterested. When when we put up resistance, it seems they become inherently interested. What gives?

It seems like every woman on the planet hasn’t experienced this before. We all know that in order to be in a lasting relationship, you have to be you: open, honest, and available. But it’s how you begin to behave with a man that sets the tone for a relationships.

I would love to give you a quick fix on this one, but your heart requires and it deserves so much more than that. If this continues, you’ll get completely burned out on dating (and we don’t want that). The truth is, two things:

  1. You’re the Common Denominator

  2. You Have the Power to Turn this All Around

Now, with awareness and self-exploration, we can steer your ship back on course. The worst thing to do is think this is a gender issue, because it’s not. Thinking this will actually keep great guys away from you and leave you anything but in a relationship. I could take about this for days, but for the sake of this article, I’ll keep it high-level for now.

Assume Responsibility

It’s a good idea to take time and understand the types of men who you are attracting. If you’re consistently meeting men that are hot and cold, you’re not meeting men serious about a relationship. Men that are looking for true love do not act like this.

Relationship-minded men want you to be intimate. They want you to be sincere, honest, open and ready. In fact, they need you to be emotionally available. They aren’t interested in game playing.

Assuming responsibility for your choices takes your power back, so you don’t feel like these men are doing anything to you. You begin to recognize it’s appropriate to leave someone that is hot and cold before you invest in a man who isn’t like-minded.

Reveal Your Soft Side on a First Date

When you first meet someone, you need to be you. Part of you is allowing yourself to be vulnerable: fully expressed and honest about who you are and what you need in a relationship.

This can be nerve-wracking for some, but I promise you the pay off is huge! Not only for the relationship you may spark, but the confidence and freedom you’ll gain in this process. You can’t afford to wait to show this side of yourself.

If you seem easy going, overly independent, or aloof in the beginning because you have your protective walls up, you’re actually going to attract a guy that actually likes that. Then, when you show your vulnerability at a later date, he’ll no longer be interested. You didn’t attract him with you; you attracted him with your representative.

If you wait to show your authentic self, you are changing the temperature and the men respond to the climate change.

My advice is based on knowing relationship-minded men, not players and jerks. I don’t have time for them. I understand showing your true colors can be scary, but the right guy will come and stay with you because of it.