The One Secret to Modern Dating Success

A client once asked me, "What qualities make someone matchable vs. unmatchable?" This question is valid, but its focus represents what is wrong with modern dating. 

The fact of the matter is successful dating actually has nothing to do with what society tells you. Your proclivity to find love isn't dependent on your intelligence, financial status, or even looks. The ONE key to successful dating is this: an open mind.  

In order to show up with an open mind, you must lose your ego and practice compassion. 

The men and women that I see getting into relationships (and, later, engagements and marriages) are those that come and leave each date with a great attitude, no matter what. During the date, they embody two qualities: 1. Presence -- speak in the now, rather than in the past or future, and 2. Positivity -- feel warm and engaging with open body language.


These two qualities are simple, but run deep. Think about how many times you've spoke about previous relationships or dating experiences, crossed your arms, and left feeling misunderstood or as if you had to prove yourself on a date? Wherever you were, chances are you weren't all there. 

In our busy world, it's a blessing to share an hour with someone new. Don't complicate it!

Challenge yourself to be the date that's different. Arrive on time. Smile and offer your date a warm welcome. Maintain eye contact and ask interesting questions. Display genuine interest in getting to know the other person without an agenda or 'what's in it for me' mentality. Do you want an unconditional love? Of course, we all do! But first, you must give it to receive it. Channel this by asking yourself 'How did I express love before I had ever been hurt?"

Always aim to leave your date better off than when you met them. 

Every fresh experience has a dizziness that we must move through. Every time we reach beyond what is familiar, there is a necessary acclimation to what is new. It is the doorway to love, but it cannot be rushed. Do not confuse the dizziness by giving it too much power. Lean into the unfamiliar. Rarely does love begin as intensely as it does in the movies. In time, after a few dates, you will learn how you feel more objectively. 


Great daters understand no one is perfect, and no one will check all of your boxes… ever (no matter how many times you swipe right or how much money you pay a matchmaker). So, if there's anything we can give each other in the dating world, it's grace. After all, it's just a date! If you were respected, you both deserve to see each other again.

If you need encouragement, inspiration, and a little tough love on how to strategy to master your own dating success, schedule a consultation with Alyssa.