The Art of Seduction

From pick-up lines to mainstream media sexualizing the word ‘seduction’ over the years, most genuine men and women are sick and tired of having their energy misinterpreted.

The history of seduction is more about leading someone, meeting their needs, and creating a fantasy. It’s about pleasure, not manipulation. However, most people are conditioned to believe that seduction is a line to be used or a technique to adopt. We have let society perverse its meaning to become synonymous with ill intention or sleaziness.

I’ve found it very helpful to coach clients on the true definition of seduction, so that they can reclaim it in their business and personal lives. With just a few minor adjustments, you can also use seduction as a powerful tool to build more fulfilling relationships.

Seduction requires you to have confidence, self-control, and a desire to learn about people. It’s a tool to navigate and build rapport in modern relationships, not one meant to hurt others.

We are often so focused on ourselves that we cannot even begin to think about a strategy that would seduce someone into a relationship of any kind, let along one that is fulfilling long-term. It’s unfortunate to witness so many men and women guilty of destroying the very thing that they desire. We all want to be seduced, but rarely have awareness around these five common missteps that quash seduction:

I. Asking someone out on a date or business meeting without having a plan.

The great seducers always plan. They are thoughtful about the environment and take great care towards getting to know someone just well enough to choose an environment accordingly. It does not need to be an expensive venue, but it should be conducive for the purpose of the meeting.

II. Talking about work before asking how someone is doing.

Do not turn a conversation into a checklist. Always begin with a personal question. A sincere ‘How are you?’ is enough. Building personal rapport will allow you to collect the data you need to build a relationship over the long term. 

III. Spending too much time with the person when you first meet him or her.

Your network must be nurtured slowly and thoughtfully over time. Do not spend 30 minutes with someone at a networking event if you need to meet lots of people. Similarly, do not sacrifice your life for a date you are not sure is going anywhere. When you spend too much time with someone, chemistry is often killed before it gets started as nothing is left to the imagination. Set boundaries and realize that you should be qualifying people into your network, rather than chasing them to be in yours.

The only way seduction renders itself successful long-term is when it is used with authenticity and good intention. Someone who truly embodies what it means to be seductive in this way can say and do almost anything, and still charm the socks off who they are with.

IV. Not recognizing that a spark is just a spark.

Caught in contrary of the Hollywood romance of life, sparks do not qualify someone as being ‘right’ for you. If you skip past the seductive process, you will qualify someone into your life who is not supposed to be there.

V. Not having your own life.

Many matchmakers make it a point to be sure clients have a life they love prior to introducing them to other people. Why? Well, relationships require space as well as closeness for them to work well over time. Having your own person hobbies, interests, and passions makes you a much more desirable. It’s these very things that make you who you are - do not neglect them!

DatingAlyssa BunnDating